ToxicLabRat

altered courses...

toxiclabrat — 2008-08-18T19:09:52-05:00

Life in a nutshell..
Hubby will be at both National Conventions.
I joined a gym.
We had a garage sale featuring most of my Mom's "stuff". Lots of costume jewelry-some I kept. I liked the 3/4 length black gloves with the pearl cocktail ring-but where would I wear it? Sold the ring, kept the gloves..
Hubby's Mom died a few weeks ago.
Allergies are horrible this time of year..
LilyRose had her butt shaved. Long Haired cats are a problem in the hygiene area.
I am going away in a few weeks. Middle East. I have been putting it off for so many years due to fear. Now I guess is as good a time as any....
Summer heat and sun is gross at 5pm....

A reason to watch tv...

toxiclabrat — 2008-07-27T19:34:29-05:00

I love the series, "Mad Men". I love the clothes. I love the acting. I love the scripts. I absolutely love the scenery.

Jon Hamm as Don Draper ain't bad, either..

Season two starts tonight!!!

it was the night that my past comforted me...

toxiclabrat — 2008-07-14T23:37:57-05:00

2008 has not been the greatest year for me. Now in addition to my Mom being ill, my mother-in-law is very ill. Cancer.
The weekends are spent between nursing homes.
After leaving my sister's home tonight-an old familiar song came on the radio. The night was dark. Yep, dark. Clear. Warm. It became the summer of the 60's. I rolled the windows down. I turned up the volume. I was in West End Park. With Bill, Donny, Sherry and who knows who else.
I was in the Paramount Theater in Asbury Park. I was in the 3rd row. Center. He came on wearing his black leather pants. The lizard king.
He was beautiful. The most gorgeous blue eyes. Very dark hair in curls. He made love to the microphone. He looked at me. He threw me a rose. I fell in love...

This video isn't the best. But just use your imagination. Like I do...

you've gotta be kiddin' me...

toxiclabrat — 2008-06-02T19:53:03-05:00

Vacation in a nutshell:
Learn that Mother falls down on the day I leave for Aruba. Initially, no problem, but admission to hospital a few days later reveals fractured bone somewhere in the pelvis. No surgery needed. Just therapy and pain meds. She returns to Nursing Home.
Friend who goes to Aruba with us every year-gets a phone call-her husband has died. Three days after she arrives in Aruba, she returns to NJ to bury her husband.
Visit my mother in Nursing Home on Saturday. Her eyes are shifted to the right, and she is on pain meds. I don't like what I see.
I tell nurse who tells me that she is just tired from dialysis.
I don't sleep well that night.
Get a call from Nursing Home on Sunday. Mom unresponsive-goes to ER.
We rush to ER. 6 hours later, nephrologist visits. He talks to my Mom, and all is fine until she just begins to stare at him,and becomes unresponsive. Face begins to twitch. Mom is having a seizure.
Doc gets nurses and they give her oxygen, and antiseizure meds.
CAT scan reveals a hematoma. Small-they don't have to operate.
They think she developed this when she fell. Her head may have jolted her brain when she fell.
She is now in ICU on anti seizure medications.
She was fine and in good spirits this morning. She likes the ICU bed, and the nurses gave her a great bath. She had a great breakfast. I read the newspaper to her, and we talked about stories there were in the Enquirer.
Then she got a pain pill, and got drowsy.
Tomorrow is dialysis for her,and I anticipate her being very tired afterward.
I am tired now. This is very, very hard. In the course of one year, my Mom has broken her hip, had a stent placed in her heart, become a diabetic, has gone on dialysis, fractured her pelvis, had a fistula inserted, and has a hemotoma.
And she is now 85 years old. She is a strong woman.
Let's hope some of that strength has passed onto me....

away for 2+ weeks.

toxiclabrat — 2008-05-10T19:28:20-05:00

Despite the high cost of fuel, despite the high cost of food imported to where I am going, despite my Mom in a Nursing Home, despite the fact that there will be alot of sun where I am going-- I am off to an island.
I will read alot.
I will slather myself with a high SPF.
And try, try, try, to rest alot.
Let's see if I can pull this off....

delays, delays...

toxiclabrat — 2008-04-28T21:22:19-05:00

I just returned from Florida. I spent 5 days visiting my friends, and taking in the sights. I saw an absolutely horrible movie, something like breaking up with Sarah or something to that effect. It was just horrible, and people were walking out of the movie. Yet, it got pretty good reviews. Not to my liking. I didn't like any of the characters, and couldn't care less if he broke up or went back with Sarah. Makes you wonder who put the money up for this type of crap. It wasn't the sex scenes-they were there for effect I suppose-it was the horrible acting and the horrible writing. Bad all around.
I came back from Florida today. A three hour delay because of the weather in Newark, NJ. The plane was packed with kindergarten-aged kids and under. When the plane descended into Newark, the whole kid choir began crying. It was horrible, just horrible.
But, on the bright side, Florida was warm and pleasant. Makes me think of retiring there. Have to encourage hubby to do so.
I am ready anytime he is..

a special day....

toxiclabrat — 2008-04-05T08:46:06-05:00

It was seven years ago today that I received a call. The most important call of my life. There was a kidney available for me!
I don't know the donor. I don't know if it was a man or woman. I don't know their cause of death.

I know that I have been given seven years of life-and I hope and pray that I am given so many more years to live. There is so much to do,and to see.
There is so much to love.....

Give the Gift of Life.
Please.
You have the power to save someone's life.
What an amazing gift you have to give....

damned if I do, damned f I don't...

toxiclabrat — 2008-03-31T13:19:43-05:00

My sister and I have begun to clean out my Mom's apartment. She won't be going back. She needs the type of care that would cost about 14 thousand dollars a month if she were to return to her apartment. That is just using the going rate for a Certified Nurses Aide. And,they don't dole out medications, or do blood glucose testing. I shutter to think what the cost of a LPN is. How does someone take care of a loved one when they live home? The cost is prohibitative.
I can't take care of her at my house. She needs night time care, and my husband has such crazy hours, he wouldn't have the time to sleep peacefully with a Aide in the house. Nevermind that there is no place for my Mom to sleep. Unless she sleeps in the dining room. Is that what a child is left with when their parent is sick? Is it wrong to say no to taking care of them? Should I feel "guilty" about not being able to care for her?
I don't feel guilty. I know that if an Aide was caring for my Mom in her apartment, I would be over there 4 times a day to take her blood sugar tests. I would have to give her an insulin shot, if needed. I would have to dole out her medications. And what about my health?
I do think she is in the best place for her-a Nursing Home. It isn't really that bad. She gets her medications, her meals, she is given alot of activities to do (she doesn't take advantage of them...), and her doctor visits the facility 3 times a week. She is across the street from the dialysis treatment facility. If she were home, and the bus picks her up at 5am for dialysis, who would have the pathway shoveled so she could be in the van? Me???
She insists on going home, but it is not going to happen. She wants to go home so bad. She wants her old life back.
There was an old album, or song titled "Child is Father to the Man"..
I am feeling that so much lately....

this guy is gorgeous....

toxiclabrat — 2008-03-28T22:15:12-05:00

He can sing to me anytime....(even if I am a little too late for this type of thing....)

I had to put this in an entry. Thanks, Linky...

wtf?

toxiclabrat — 2008-03-14T18:07:39-05:00

I haven't written in a while because I really don't have anything to say. Oh, I've written entries, but then deleted them.
I wanted to write about my new life lessons, but I am still kind of sorting them out.
I am beginning to see the pattern shaping. All I can say is that I hope they end on a positive note.
I'm all about the positive.....
Mom is in a Nursing Home, and receives dialysis 3 times a week. She is somewhat confused. She calls her dialysis treatments "exercise"--
if that were only true.
Monday she goes for "mapping" where they determine the best place for her to have another access in her arm for dialysis. She is currently receiving dialysis through a catheter located under her right clavicle. If this gets infected,there is no other access for dialysis, hence the need for the mapping to be done.
I spend alot of time in the Nursing Home with my Mom. I do her laundry, and make sure she is okay. I wonder if there will be a nursing home for me when I need one. There is a waiting list for a private room in this facility. My Mom is lucky with her roommate. "Mrs. F" is over 100 years old, and doesn't talk. She has outlived everyone who has been in the bed occupied by my Mom.
I look at this woman and say hello to her everytime I see her. There is no response. I wonder what she thinks about. I wonder if she is growing tired of living. She can't eat by herself, bathe herself, or walk. She is dependent on all the staff..
I wonder when enough is enough.

life intersections..

toxiclabrat — 2008-01-29T18:27:51-05:00

My Mom is very ill.
I cried at Christmas because she was so quiet, and just wanted to go home to sleep. When we opened gifts at Christmastime, she didn't say: "Save all the boxes" like she has said for as long as I can remember. She didn't do any cooking-she "wasn't up to it".
We brought her to her doctor a few weeks ago. Her blood results showed a decline in her kidney function. Yesterday, surgeons put a catheter in her, she is to start dialysis this morning. I am hoping that her mental facilities will somehow come back, when some of the toxins are filtered away...
If this doesn't help her mental statis, there will be more decisions to be made. She had broken her hip in April, and she cannot walk without the aid of a walker. Add this to her mental decline, and dialysis, and the quality of life decreases.
She is very quiet and not angry at all. She says she is not in any pain. I don't know who looks more lost, her or me......

Hustle and Bustle of Winter...

toxiclabrat — 2008-01-04T20:19:33-05:00

My website is breaking down. I can only get a few colors uploaded for the background. What a mess. I think it is time to rehaul this whole blog, but I don't have the time or the energy to do it.
I have some sort of cold/sinus thingy going on, and all I want to do is sleep, and that is what I will do when I finish writing my entry.
My husband is traveling with the Presidential candidates-I haven't seen him in a week. Hopefully I will see him the end of next week.
I will be better by that time....

before it is too late......

toxiclabrat — 2007-12-24T22:24:57-05:00

A Blessed and Merry Christmas to you and yours...

where has the time gone?

toxiclabrat — 2007-11-24T22:31:18-05:00

I haven't written in a long time. I have been busy with my Mom. She is having a tough time not being able to drive. She had broken her hip and suffered a heart attack at the same time. Her legs are weak, and she needs a walker to move about. This would be tough on anyone, but my Mom was always busy, going here and there. Now, she spends alot of her time in her apartment, which is no good. She lives alone, and has help for 2 hours in the morning to help her wash and dress, then she sits in the chair until someone can take her out. This leaves alot of stress/guilt on my sister and I, since we can't be there all the time to help/entertain her.
It is tough getting old/it is tough getting sick/It is tough getting old and sick....
I am now 6 months behind in reading my Vanity Fair Magazines, I haven't looked at a Netflix movie in months, and autumn which is my most favorite time of the year is passing by much too quickly.
I can't believe I returned from vacation just two months ago.
I feel I could use another vacation right about now....

For your Holloween Pleasure.....

toxiclabrat — 2007-10-28T20:31:02-05:00

Believe it or not, Miss LilyRose Von Purr really enjoys her costume. It's probably the long flowing pigtails..
She just doesn't like her picture being taken-her being royalty and all....